Radical Emotional Honesty as a Feminist Pedagogical Tool, (Final Draft)
Radical Emotional Honesty as a Feminist Pedagogical Tool
Radical Emotional Honesty
Can showing your emotions in the classroom be helpful?
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Or will doing so only make you appear unprofessional?
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INTRODUCTION
I got the idea for the workshop Radical emotional honesty as a feminist pedagogical tool, and this text during the first tttt workshop How to say it at ERG art academy in Brussels 2020. During this week long workshop, forty or so, students (participants) and staff (organizers) took part in activities, lectures, workshops and small group discussions, we also developed and used a system of feedback and evaluation at the end of each day.
Through the feedback and evaluation a lot of frustration and critique came from the participants, saying that the organizers of the workshop wasn’t creating a space that was norm critical enough and that many structures and hierarchies where still reproduced within the workshop . There was also other feedback in the evaluation concerning problems with the classrooms used for many of the activities, that it had bad acoustics and a noisy coffee machine was used in the classroom making it even worse.
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The group at the workshop became as I understood it quite polarized, where the participants, on the one hand criticized the organizers for their work, and the organizers had to organize activities and facilitate in an atmosphere of growing discontent and pressure. Finally one of the organizers broke down in tears, and explained to the entire group that she and the other organizers were trying to create a good workshop and a good inclusive environment, but under a lot of pressure and with poor resources and facilities. “We don’t even have a f—ing cafeteria, we have to have the coffee machine in here” she said. She also explained about the pressure “from above”, that the organizers had, toward the funding body, to produce results in the form of “Intellectual Outcomes”. After this first performance of emotional honesty the polarization was decreased a bit.
Some days later a second organizer were under pressure and started crying and told about the pressured situation they were under, and happened “behind the the scenes”, what “intellectual outcomes” the entire tttt-organisation had to produce. And that these “intellectual outcomes” was something that the entire group had to take in to consideration, when reflecting over the activities and “production” of knowledge, the artistic tools and documentation that had to be part of the project. But that if we all could understand that some of the activities within the tttt-organisation had to be used to produce “intellectual outcomes”, that were in accordance with the original funding application, we could also use the workshop and the tttt-organisation for activities that were creating other outcomes harder to measure and assess.-
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And after these two occasions of what I have chosen to call: “radical emotional honesty”, I perceived the group as less divided and polarized. That there was an understanding that we are in this together and that the organizers could share more of their information and their power. That there were things we had to produce and that their were things we could decide together. This shift I believe happened because two of the organizers were “radically emotionally honest”, and I wanted to use the tttt-organisation to learn more about this. So in the second tttt-workshop in Gothenburg I arranged a workshop where participants read chapter 3 Honesty be true to Love from bell hooks’ book All About Love. The participants first read the text aloud together, with the instructions of trying to replace ones partner that hooks was referring to, as the object of Love, with ones community. After reading they had an half an hours conversation about it in small groups, and this text consists of transcription of those conversations.
I have done research on literature, but not found anything that mentions the entire concept of Radical Emotional Honesty as a Feminist Pedagogical Tool. Instead I have focused on using and reading literature from several fields that are associated with it. And like in the reading of the first text, by bell hooks, where we read the Love for ones partner, as the Love for ones community, several other literature sources relating to the importance of honesty in personal relations have been used, and read in a similar way. I do this with the understanding of that “feminist pedagogy” can be created by introducing aspects, methods and tools from the private sphere, (of private, loving and family relations) , into the public sphere of classrooms and workplace, that have traditionally been male separatist spaces, where showing emotions and creating relations based on love an honesty were seen as unprofessional.
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Literatur
I do not have enough time to write an literature analysis of the texts and will instead just mention some of the books and chapters I found to be interesting in relation to Radical Emotional Honesty as an Feminist Pedagogical Tool. At the bottom of the text you can find information and links to the books mentioned.
From the text that inspired this workshop: chapter 3 Honesty be true to Love, from the book All about Love by bell hooks, the author describes the importance of being honest, if one is going to be able to build loving relations. I believe these methods can also work in creating an atmosphere of love in a small community or a classroom.
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In chapter 16 Embracing Conflict from Janet W. Hardy’s and Dossie Easton’s book the Ethical Slut we are introduced to the idea of Win-win situations achieved when conflict are resolved using honest communication about ones emotions and needs. They also introduce I-Messages where they explain how good communication is achieved when people start by telling about their emotions. Start by saying “I feel”, that then must be followed by an emotion. In order for this method to work, “I feel” can not be followed by anything else then an emotion, such as “I feel we should…” or ”I feel you are…”.
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More knowledge about honesty can be found in chapter 4 Levels of telling the truth in Brad Blanton’s book Radical Honesty. The psychotherapist tells about three levels of honesty. The first is telling the truth about information, the second is to tell about the emotions and motivations behind ones actions, and the third is a level where one “lives truthfully”, by not thinking about how one and ones actions is received by other people, but still being empathetic, because one trusts ones own true empathy.
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Group two, conversation
In the TTTT – workshop Radical Emotional Honesty as a Feminist Pedagogical Tool, two small groups had a conversation about honesty and lies. This after a collective aloud reading of the chapter Honesty be true to Love from the book All About Love by bell hooks. These are transcripts of those conversations.
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Group two Aroun Zoya André
Preparing to record. I’ll just check my dropbox to see if it’s working -Probably it will only be accessible at the end of the recording. Yes, I just wanted to see. Okay, it’s working.
Okay, great, who wants to start?
I can start:
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Thank you for reading.
Well, wow.
Yeah, it’s a great book.
Did you read it, André?
Yes, I did.
But this is the heaviest part. I think that, because the book starts with something really wonderful and very close, she starts with her story and saying that, basically the book is not, it’s not about lying, the book is about why a person will never learn. If the person doesn’t feel loved. And she starts by saying how she had so much abuse in her childhood, more verbal and psychological, but how that really affected her, and took care this during many years of therapy in order to actually be able to form memory. You know, just this aspect of trauma. After that, you know, the book just slides in,
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I think I had, I really had like insights while reading the excerpts and listening to you. And at the same time. I don’t know, I’m like, something in myself creates resistance, because, because there is this idea of transparency in the society.
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Is it when you set a secret space for yourself? Like there’s two different things you can have. But not, with it being about power and hiding things to the other people you’re in contact with.
I think that that’s really the thing, being honest and just living your life as you should, and as you do. And with your privacy and all that, because like it’s totally normal to be living on your own and just doing stuff by yourself. But also, it’s really about hiding, some things and I think when you hide feelings for too long, for example, it creates conflicts, and it could be, the people around and you what you’re feeling to just talk about it and not make it that to that point where you hide things and you can say things. And just it’s blocking out a lot of things, I think, yeah, I know what you’re thinking about it.
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I was thinking more now that you were speaking about it and I think what is really interesting is that, because there is this logic of secrecy, of keeping things flying or keeping secrets to gain power, to gain some sort of advantage. That destroys the possibility of a more spiritual interiority.
_____________you should also be telling the truth when you say: ‘Oh, you said that to me and that hurt me. But I understand that was not the intention’.
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I think the problem is that the categories we are using, are the categories of a world model, that is already based on a lie. The world model in which we already have to say: ”I love you, and trust me, it’s true”, and I’m not trying to hurt you. We already have to say what we feel and try to get away from the duplicity because we are haunted by lying. So, this paradigm, if you want to call it like this, by saying – it is a world of total honesty, and love – is that we can say things that in the world that we live right now, perhaps have no space, like for instance. I am intellectually more limited. I feel dumb: And I still want to learn, but I feel dumb and I feel limited’, and everyone around will say, okay, you know, it’s a world of transparency of knowledge. This would be what the world of honesty will allow us to feel comfortable with how we perceive ourselves, our limitations and also know that there is a space for that. And then we could deconstruct furthermore, rather than.[saying:] ‘Oh yeah yeah I know all of this, oh yeah sure yeah I read all of this.’ ‘Mm-hmm. Yes, super interesting.’ And then constructing these masks that allow us to coexist in a world that is a fake world, but also an extremely competitive world, because of the fakeness, because of the lie.
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I relate a lot to this mask creating, ____she speaks about how it is the logic of Lie, of the logic of lies so necessary to patriarchy. And now, patriarchy functions. First, first or foremost, that I know, to use this word, but it works because it convinces small boys too, not to feel.
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And I think it’s really one of the projects of, within feminism that I really like, is the deconstruction of the heterosexual, not just the accusation of that heterosexual gaze, and the male gaze, but the understanding of how it’s fabricated. And how we can take it away, how could we undo that. And I think that’s really just interesting that she says something about that many men don’t even know how to feel.
And because they don’t know how to feel they can’t even understand what lying causes in the world, because it doesn’t matter. So the book is also seeking so much about the important role of emotions. Something that sort of makes us protect others, and empathy and all of this.
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Some people only access their feelings, not by feeling them as you feel somewhere, but because it manifests in the body as anxiety or tension, or rage. So this is the vocabulary that many men will have if they are cut off from access to their feelings. Everything just becomes immediately rage, or whatever. Rage, towards themselves or the world.
And, I think this is quite interesting, it makes me think more and more, If what we need in the world is just an emotional education.
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Intermezzo
The classroom as a loving community?
Honest, be true to love…
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Group one, conversation
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Åke, Nino, Caro and Inga
What we want to say about it?
I just wanted to say in relation to your point that you mentioned before, that they were talking about the traditional socialization of behaving. According to the two genders, within the binary construct. And I feel like that really relates also to the division of labour. Based on this socialization and how people take on more labour or feel more comfortable about not participating in the labour etc. So, I just want to say thanks for bringing it up. I think it was a great nice thing to read together.
I just noticed. I was saying: it was relevant in the context of academia or overall where this structure is in place. Lying is maybe part of the job, as it is now. And it’s really interesting to link. There is something very personal in the intimate life, but you can compare it to institutional structure, and it’s really thank you really for the text.
You’re welcome.
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I think it’s also interesting to focus on the act of lying because I’ve never paid that much attention to it, myself, on this nuanced and subtle level. Because I think a lot of times, telling these small lies, to get away with something, or to not do something.
I was wondering about telling the truth. I have the feeling that telling the truth in the context of an academic institution, also could be very emotional. I think it’s linked to the discussion the other day, if you put some feelings and emotions in the classroom, it could shift and change everything.
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Where to put love and where to put lies?
Ones in a workshop I was forced to hug someone. And this made me super stressed and triggered. And I think at this moment I would be able, to tell the truth, and say no, I can’t lie and say, I’m okay because I’m not.
How can we lie, and how can we contaminate institutions, these structures that most professional organisations and schools and so on? Are they are as they believe created for a particular kind of person. And sort of a ‘normal’. And it’s a form of relating to a ‘normal’ person or a typical person. And if you are not fitting within this norm. It is, it is quite usual that you… this normal way of being triggers also things, emotions, and so on. But they. It is also kind of put it’s shame, sort of shame, too because you’re not supposed to show your emotions. So then it becomes also okay: ‘I get emotions, but I have to lie about it because (as she said in the text) I don’t want to be seen as a freak’.
And the other thing I just wanted to say was, also because I am not so good at reading, I often come to school to sort of. ‘Oh yeah, have you read this text now we’re gonna talk about it?’ and I’m like, not saying anything. So I’m lying by withholding information, and this is why I want this workshop to be like, ‘okay we read together so we don’t have to lie about, okay yeah I have read it’, of course, or just like, silent.
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I was also thinking it’s always a question about context. Because telling the truth and be very emotional, with the group. At the end of the week of January. It’s quite fine and it’s really okay and so on. And we were talking about this with Lorance, and talking about when you arrive to upon that you are crying in the room. And she said, Yes, but of course in this in our context. It’s totally okay. But, for example, as a principal, she trained herself to never cry in big meetings with a hierarchy. Because it’s a sign of weakness and immediately after she will be treated as weak or as a hysteric girl. So, it’s like: always telling the truth, and being emotional, is a question of context, and trust the people, more or less, who are in the space.
When you’re alone in front of a lot of people, isolated. But if you’re not isolated It’s different, but when we are alone It’s really difficult.
I think it’s linked to feminine behaviour or childish behaviour like you’re not major like if you don’t leave your emotion. And I think that there are emotional laws like being upset, if you are men or in a position of power. Oh yeah. Sometimes I’m just like, wait, wait. Like, we have to play with this rule.
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We need tools if we are isolated. If it’s difficult to change this context, we need tools, and this text is one tool, a good tool, to have a lecture together, it changes, automatically the contexts.
Absolutely I think it’s also important to try to implement them. Like, who has the power to start moving the, or like to start changing these things, in the classroom. And who are you, what are you then encouraging for future people that will be in rules of power that might allow such behaviours to be seen as a strength, seen as valid, emotional behaviour in any kind of certain situation.
Intermezzo 2
The Intellectual Outcomes of this research group is a mash-up of two different original IO’s: Emotions in the classroom and Conflicts: How to talk to people we don’t agree with?
During the process of two years the group went through the Covid 19 Pandemic, and 3 of the planned 4 workshops was canceled, and a long term distance collaboration was used for this work. And our group lost two really intelligent and driven group members.
During our conversations about this topic of emotions and conflicts I use a lot of thinking tools that I can not place in any theory I have read. But then all of the sudden it came to me, that I get a lot of the concepts from a book I read about 10- 15 years ago, and how it was influential on my thinking. The book was The Ethical Slut.
Keeping non-monogamous relationships working involves a lot of communication skills, self-awareness and conflict-resolving. I include some clippings from the book in this collage. Can we learn conflict management from the partners in non-monogamy and apply it to our classmates, students, peers, colleagues or partners in the classroom or workplace?
Well I guess you just have to read it and decide for your self:)
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Debrief. Group one and two
Okay, so is everybody here now? What did you talk about?
We talked a bit about what emotions are, and what emotions are linked to honesty, that sometimes, because we have lied because we are in a structure that is created after a form of rational and masculine way of being, then the emotional parts are seen as more like feminine or, childish, or it’s not the way you’re supposed to be, in this kind of environment, as in an academy.
And another thing I remember is. Yeah, when, when is the right time to be honest. And what, when is it actually bad for you to be honest. And I think that also related quite a lot to the, I don’t know if all of you were in the conflict workshop, but when it was they, talked about it.
Like sometimes it might be. Yeah, if you’re in a board meeting with the important sponsor or something like this or with the politician, then maybe you have to be very, very strict, to show that, ‘okay. I’m trustworthy in this kind of environment’.
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Then we can go over to group two, what did you find?
I’ve written so many things that like saying something or because of my notes are very dissimilarly, like very scattered. I can try.
Maybe if you have something, to begin with.
I don’t, honestly… I think we can allow ourselves to be scattered because we also were scattered in our conversation, so it’s good.
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We talked about the fact that there is a difference between secrecy, as intimacy and my life between the four walls, let’s say. And the fact that I feel like hiding my feelings from others. For me, like the kind of need the difference between those two things, just André, if you can help precise things?
Yes, I can help. I think we talked about the differences between hiding something, between secrecy and privacy, and secrecy was about power, and also being afraid of the reactions of other people, when being honest and private was just living one’s own life, and doing stuff.
We also talked about, the notion of trust, like the fact that when we tell the truth, it’s not to hurt people, that we also need to trust the person to say the truth. Precisely because we talked about, if you are in a scene and large relationship you should trust the person in front of you not to want to hurt you. When you’re telling the truth, as a gift.
The truth as a gift.
If we have a principle of honesty, as a base, as a basic thing, then all the other kinds of relationships of power of fear and all that, they dissolve. Because we take what is being given to us, we don’t, we will take that in as a gift and not as something that has another agenda, as another intention, to dominate you.
Giving and receiving trust like gifts,
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This question that you were making was important about this note, though it’s easy to say, it’s hard to get there right, this much of our conversation like, this is nice like as a principle, but how can we go from this to this kind of proposition, where the entire structure we inhabit this space, precisely on the denial of dishonesty.
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We also talked about the construction of masks, and how it’s linked with societal norms, not only the concept of masks but also the feeling of wearing a mask.
Sometimes, in a group, when you’re not expressing the feeling that you’re feeling, the group can feel it. You don’t say the words ‘anger’ or ‘fear’, but then the group does feel.
Like the group is ”living the emotions”.
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Yeah, I wrote first in the presentation, in the first version of the introduction I wrote that: ”you might bring an elephant into the room, and it might accidentally sit on someone”.
Accidentally do what?
If you bring an elephant into the room, the elephant might accidentally sit on someone, and hurt them. So it’s good, if you bring an elephant into the room, to inform people about it, so they can be aware of it. In a way, it’s similar to what you were saying.
Yeah, it’s a great image.
Okay. I think it’s time to wrap it up, because there is another workshop, starting now. Let’s see. Yes. ‘Who is the classroom’. Yes, but if you have the possibility to fill in the feedback sheet will be very, very happy. And thank you very much for this, it’s been very nice.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Great. Thank you.
Created by the tttt-organisation using open source software
Transcription, Images, and text by Åke Sjöberg.
Great thank to the participants of the workshop: Aroun, Zoya, André, Inga, Caro and Nino.
References – Resources
Click to go to books in shadow-library
Brad Blanton, Radical Honesty, Dell, 7th ed. 1996
Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut, Ten Speed Press, 3rd ed., 2017
bell hooks, All about Love, HarperCollins, 2018
Collaged booklet/zine version of chapter 3 Link to the zine booklet two language french enlish
Sarah Schulman, Conflict Is Not Abuse, Arsenal Pulp Press, 2016
ENDNOTES and IMAGES
- Collage by Åke Sjöberg 2021 ↩
- hooks (2018) p. 53 ↩
- Sjöberg (2021) ↩
- Sjöberg (2021) ↩
- Sjöberg (2021) ↩
- Drawing by Åke Sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Sjöberg (2021) ↩
- Sjöberg (2021) ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 155 ↩
- Blanton (1997) p. 47 ↩
- Collage by Åke Sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Page 1 from the booklet made with hooks (2017) p. 41 ↩
- Page 4 from the booklet made with hooks (2017) p. 41 ↩
- Page 4 from the booklet ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 42 ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 42 ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 44 ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 45 ↩
- Drawing by Åke sjöberg 2018 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 45 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 45 ↩
- Drawing by Åke sjöberg 2018 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 88 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 88 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 88 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 84 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 87 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- Collage by Åke sjöberg 2021 ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 44 ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 45 ↩
- Drawing by Åke sjöberg 2018 ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 45 ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 151 ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 156 ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 156 ↩
- Hardy, Easton (2017) p. 157 ↩
- Page 15 from the booklet made with hooks (2017) p. 51 ↩
- hooks (2017) p. 50 ↩
Åke Sjöberg 